I'm Sorry Darling, Were You in Need of a BE?
by misscam
Summary: A short bit of silliness with the weirdest title ever


Disclaimer:   
Just some short, happy fun with you characters, Paramount. I'll have them back by midnight. Scout's Honor!  
If you think the title is weird.. well, it is. That's what happens when you ask someone to pick 10 random words in a foreign language, translate those into English, and make a title out of some of them.(The words used were bubble, elf, need, sorry and darling. 5 out of 10 ain't bad)  
This one's for you Carly. Now can I go back to writing depressing stories???  
Author's Note(upon waking up and reading the story again):  
Um... What can I say? It was 4 a.m.. and ummm... I got possessed by an alien? yes, that's it. I swear!   
  
I'M SORRY DARLING, WERE YOU IN NEED OF A BUBBLEBATH ELF?  
By [Camilla Sandman][1]   
  
It was a night like any other night aboard the Starship Voyager. That is, nearly like any other night.   
  
It wasn't that it was travelling through a strange part of the galaxy. No, stars are stars and will never be anything but starts. Until they die, of course. Then there just be the light they have sent out. And after a while, not even that.   
  
Voyager had seen many stars. But in it's lifetime it had never seen anything like this.   
  
Over the last years, it had come to expect a certain standard from its crew. They made mistakes, sure, but they hadn't blown it up yet, and that was a good sign. In fact, Voyager was pretty happy with its crew.   
  
This night however, it was at a loss.   
  
It wasn't the commanding and shouting that bothered it. Shouting was normal. Shouting was good.   
  
It was the non-shouting.  
  
For 24 hours now, Captain Kathryn Janeway, had done nothing but giggle.   
  
And not just any giggle. A loud, happy kind of giggle most humans lost at the age of 15. And what was even more disturbing, was that her Second-in-Command, seem to have been taken by this strange giggle illness too. They seemed to be taken by hysterical giggles every time they looked at each other. And what was even worse, the rest of the bridge crew seemed to let out some half-choked chukkles every time.   
  
This was a great mystery to the still young ship. And like any mystery, this one had to have an solution. This one, Voyager decided, it would figure out. Besides, it wasn't like it had anything better to do.   
  
****************  
  
The opportunity to explore this mystery futher came that very night. Finally, the two was off duty and hurried off the bridge. As soon as they left, the bridge was filled with laughter.  
  
"Did you see that???" laughed Tom Paris, barly able to get the words out.   
  
Harry Kim, just nodded, unable to get a word out.   
  
"If I ever hear the word bubblebath elf again, I'll…" the rest of the sentance disappeared in a fit of laughter as Tom lost control of his laughing muscles too.  
  
This didn't do much to shed any light on the situation, Voyager reckoned. Best to go straight to the top with this.  
  
And so it opened its mind to find the Captain and the Commander. She was in his quaters.. and so was he!   
  
It's not like it was not normal for the Commander to be there, it was just that he wasn't normally in the.. umm.. bed.   
  
And certainly not WITH the Captain. This was becoming a bigger mystery by the minute.  
  
And they were STILL giggling. Quite loudly too.   
  
"Chakotay… nooo.. stop.. I'm ticklish…"  
  
"Aaaaaaah", thought the ship. It had heard of this. Appearnatly when being in bed with a person of the other sex, humans suddenly did a mental time travel back to when they were 15. Or so the Enterprise had claimed. It always told strange stories about its crew. Back then the other ships had laughed at it, but this was certainly proof that it had been right. Why else would they be giggling madly?  
  
Voyager felt a certain smugness about itself. It would certainly have some stories to tell when it got back to Earth and met other Federation ships. The ships here in the Delta Qadrant mostly said "Prepare to explode" and other nasty things, and that got kinda boring after a while.  
  
The humans were talking again, the ship suddenly realized, and it seemed impolite not to listen in.  
  
"What on Earth were you thinking, Chakotay?"  
  
Good question, Voyager mused. It was always wondering what humans were thinking.  
  
" I needed to see you.. and well…"  
  
"Yes, but a bubblebath elf…?????"  
  
Did they ever wondered what it was thinking?  
  
"I was kinda lost for an excuse."  
  
They were probably to lost in their own thoughts, anyway.  
  
"You could have asked to see me on some ship buiness."  
  
"I know, but since we agreed to keep our personal and professional lives apart, that would have felt uncomfortable."  
  
That seemed to distract them for a while, for the next couple of minuts all the ship could see in its own dim lighting, were some funny movements under the sheets.   
  
What were this human facination with beds and sheets anyway? Somehow, Voyager felt that even if it knew the answer, it wouldn't understand it.   
  
Finally the two seemed to stop whatever buisness they had been engaged in under the sheets.  
  
"You know Chakotay, I'm really glad you kissed me that night even if I ordered you not to."  
  
"You know, for once I agree with you. But.. you must know by now that the crew know about us."  
  
"And the ship", Voyager thought.  
  
"I know. Even if they didn't, after your.. ahem… question on the bridge, they'll be certain."  
  
"Does it bother you?"  
  
"It would have. But I don't care anymore. They may be my crew, but they are also my friends. They would want me happy."  
  
"Yes. So do I."  
  
"You make me happy, Chakotay. And you make me laugh. When you stormed onto the bridge, asking if you could talk to me about my bubblebath elf, I thought I would die of laughter."  
  
"You nearly did, as I recall, as well as the rest of the crew."   
  
Things were making sense for Voyager now. As much sense as anything humans did could do. And it would be a great story to tell.   
  
"So Chakotay, what is a bubblebath elf anyway?"  
  
"It's the little dud that pinches your butt when you take a bath."  
  
"Seriously?"  
  
"No. I have no idea. I just needed.. umm.. it."  
  
"I'm sorry darling. I didn't know you were in need of a bubblebath elf. I'll get you one tomorrow"  
  
And as they laughed and kissed, and did more of the sheet game, the ship let its mind wander and leave the humans to themselves. Humans, it figured, were strange creatures. Made as little sense as the Enterprise on helium.   
  
But that's what made them intresting.   
  
And on that note, the Starship U.S.S Enterprise found the small occupants on deck 9, and hummed them to sleep. . And so the bubblebath elves slept peacefully, and soon the ship slept too.   
  
**********  
Fini   
  
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   [1]: mailto: Cammy_Sandy@hotmail.com
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